The First World’s Most Underrated Skills

Outside of the obvious, such as parenting, meditation, and assembling Ikea furniture, there are a couple other skills that make my list:

1) Screen protector application.

If you own a highly priced but cheaply made smartphone, and are slightly resentful and paranoid about it, as I am, you may have tried to place a sceen protector over its fragile face. And if so, you may have learned that it requires more than sheer will and basic common sense. You may have wasted several screen protector sheets, scraping over each one with the reserves of your patience, convinced that you will eventually conquer the stubborn, deceptively resilient bubbles underneath. Understand this: You will not. The bubbles will win. Best to leave this to One of the Chosen Few who actually have this superpower. They are often the least appreciated clerks in the AT&T stores. Be prepared to ask very nicely, to kiss up, and to tolerate the smug and sometimes self-righteous attitude that comes along with such magical superskills. It’s well worth it.

2) Avocado whispering.

Unlike the banana, the avocado is a deceptive and fickle fruit. As soon as you think you have the science down (waiting til it’s slightly soft, then waiting an additional 11. 25 hours, if you want my unskilled opinion), it changes the rules on you. The avocado is especially sensitive to light and temperature, and possibly to moon phases as well. Try to get to know your avocado. Coddle it; value it; be respectful. When you slice into it (or slaughter/sacrifice, as it sometimes feels), you may find it’s already started its slow death inside.

Evidence of the need for Avocado Whisperers

3) Sharing good news.

Okay, so say you haven’t saved the world from spinning off its axis. Heck, you haven’t saved anyone from anything. In fact, you just vaccuumed up a spider! You’re actually contributing to the demise of the world, if you think about it. BUT. You do have good news. You don’t want to brag about it or anything, but you do sort of want mariachis and pinatas, at the very least a special champagne toast. That CNN crawl wouldn’t do any damage either. You want to people to throw confetti, maybe break out a few dance moves, but how do you keep tact and dignity in balance, while you have this shameless need for attention? How do you…..OKAY, TO HECK WITH ALL OF THIS!! MY SECOND BOOK JUST SOLD!!!!! I HAVE ANOTHER BOOK DEAL!!!! I AM SKIPPING AND SKIPPING MORE AND I JUST DID A CARTWHEEL DID YOU SEE IT!!!?

I hope so.  Because I didn’t trip or anything.

Anyway, here’s the Publisher’s Marketplace announcement: Author of FETCHING Kiera Stewart’s HOW TO BREAK A HEART, in which a 13-year-old girl who’s been dumped almost as many times as the characters on the telenovellas she loves tries to turn the tables and learn to be a heartbreaker herself, again to Abby Ranger at Disney-Hyperion, by Holly Root at Waxman Literary Agency (World English).

Advertisements

10 Comments

  1. Shannon Dittemore said,

    March 13, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Congrats!!!!!

  2. March 13, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    CONGRATS! (Damn avocados.)

  3. Alison said,

    March 13, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    WOOOHOOOOOOO!!!! I FINALLY GET TO CELEBRATE YOU LOUDLY INSTEAD OF SECRETLY!!!! 🙂

  4. Rae Carson said,

    March 13, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Few things in life are more tragic than a disappointing avocado.

    (Oh, yeah, and also CONGRATS!!!!)

  5. lbstrang414 said,

    March 13, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    Congratulations, Kiera! Your first book was very well written. I’m sure the second one will be as well!

  6. Andrea Flournoy said,

    March 13, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    : ) !!!!!!

  7. April 26, 2012 at 11:54 am

    My daughter and I read Fetching. Now we have another to look forward to! Congratulations.

    • Kiera Stewart said,

      April 26, 2012 at 11:59 am

      Thank you! That’s so great to hear. I really appreciate the comment! 🙂
      Kiera

  8. Anna Beckett Bucknam said,

    May 23, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Yes, opening an avocado is an act of real faith. It is sometimes perfect and sometimes a devastating disappointment.
    Loved Fetching and can’t wait for your next book!!

  9. Clarence Hoop said,

    December 29, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    I loved Fetching and am looking forward to HOW TO BREAK A HEART. As you know from your former Yoga class I am neither a teen or a tween.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: